Crowning Achievement

Presently I came upon the establishment I had been seeking and setting my bicycle against a wall proceeded to curse vigorously and freely at the lock. Several sharp blows against the wall later the key deigned to turn and I was able to secure my transport against tea-leaves, ne'er-do-wells, liberals and otherwise untoward types.
I allowed myself a few moments to regain composure then, after brushing the dust from my coat tails, thrust my thumb into the buttonhole of my lapel and strode manfully through the door, chest thrust out.
Once acclimatised to the abject misery of the waiting room I conveyed myself to the receptionist's desk. Considering how far removed I was from the groaning peasant land of my lunged for home, imagine my surprise at discovering the receptionist was a native of Luton! Imagine it.
The paperwork dealt with, I was directed to seat myself and wait until such time as I was called for. In the interim I amused myself by viewing the educational reel playing in the corner. Through strained metaphor involving a carpenter's workshop and joinery, a self proclaimed expert explained how various remedial procedures were performed. I'm sure the reader will understand when I say that the presence of so many rows of mallets and large saws in the background was not conducive to a tranquil state of mind.
A short while later an internal door opened and I was beckoned within. Like many a fool before me, I was led by a charming young lady, though on this occasion it was merely to an overstuffed recliner. Curiously, her smock bore a decorative pattern consisting of small images of seasonal squashes, each with a hideous glowing visage and maniacal grin. Alas I had no chance to inquire into the nature of this bizarre garment as suddenly the proprietor was upon me, shaking me enthusiastically by the hand and announcing how delighted he was at our meeting.
Immediately he embarked on the examination, wielding his probe confidently and tilting the recliner up and down as if simulating a passage round the Horn. I must admit that I was somewhat perturbed when he asked me to stick out my tongue, before grabbing it and pulling it this way and that. Swiftly ascertaining the problem he proceeded to sketch a diagram for my edification and explicated the required measures. I informed him that I had already conferred with the great and mysterious oracle of Www and that unusually, instead of predicting my imminent passing, it had also told me that I would need a crown on my tooth.

So I've got to go back next week for some drilling. God alone knows what all this was about. I can only imagine that my efforts here are continuing to please, as the number of followers has reached into three figures (base two).