Just a small one

The celebrations for the unveiling of Congressman Penis's Weiner have smoothly dovetailed into those for America's independence. I went down South to see Sometimes Friend and in a park on the evening of the 4th of July we enjoyed a spectacular display of fat people wearing insufficient clothing and families sporting patriotic paraphernalia manufactured in China. There were also some fireworks.

Like many apartment complexes here, mine is blessed with a small outdoor pool that opens during summer to collect beetles, ticks, incautious children and the occasional deer. The radioactive-blue water looked quite inviting, especially as the humidity here is vile, so one day I wandered over to read the rules of use.

There was a notice with the expected statement of opening hours and a reminder not to let unattended children use the pool lest they forget to surface. Otherwise the area was plastered with large signs which all had a similar theme and demonstrated a worrying lack of faith in the basic decency of my neighbours. For example:

"The New York Dept. of Health and Sanitation recommends that all those who have difficulty controlling their urinary or bowel functions wear suitable incontinence protection in addition to their bathing suit.

"Children must wear swim diapers."

"No urinating, defaecating or expectorating in or around the pool". (Expectorating? Who expected that?)

I decided not to go for a swim.

Besides Congressman Weenus's Peenor the other big news event in the New York area was the legalisation of gay marriage. Those who were against the move explained their motivations using skillfully crafted arguments such as "I'm not a bigot, I'm just a traditional American" (replace with the nationality of your choice to find the dictionary definition of bigot) or "We 're not anti-gay, we're pro-marriage" (for people who aren't gay). I suppose my problem is that I just don't hate gay people enough to deny them the rights I take for granted. But I'm sure if the Tea Party comes to power they'll set up reeducation camps to help people with problems like mine, teaching core values like homophobia 101, the dangers of mixed race marriage and how the bible shows us that public healthcare is a sin in the eyes of the Lord.