I have included the above link to the occasionally amusing overcompensating.com because it is relevant. And relevant is what we need if we're gonna pull this shit off and not look like amateurs who right da illest structurd stream of consciouspiss.
As part of its continuing mission to keep us all alive and gleaming, the power that bees has decreed, once again, that state drones like me complete an online module. Previously via modules I have been learned not to be racist or sexist, thanks to what amounts to a powerpoint presentation followed by multiple-guess tests. Apparently I am 100 percent not racist and 93 percent not sexist. Hell, no one's perfect. The latest module was on terrorism and security awareness orientation. Primarily it has taught me that when the shit hits the fan, managementspeak will be there to meet it head on. A position I'm sure no one else would want, for obvious hygiene reasons. Anyway a loose knit band of heroic planning committees, acronyms and reports will rise up and take that marauding mutant sea beast dowwwwwn.
I have also learnt that I should:
- Use common sense
- Stay where I am if it is safe
- Not stay where I am if it is not safe
- Follow any instructions given by the emergency services
- Report suspicious behaviour
- Print out the list of emergencies and phone numbers (if your emergency is not with you within thirty minutes, you get it for free)
Furthermore I was reliably informed that not all terrorists are foreign. However the most important instruction was to stay aware. At any time Kanye West could burst from nowhere and interrupt what you are doing to tell you that "I'ma let you finish but this an emergency". Otherwise we should stay posted via the University's various non-rap communication pipes.
WHOOP WHOOP dats da sound o' da poleese! No KRS-One, you big silly, it is actually the sound of the university siren system warning us once a month that the university siren system is being tested. Real emergencies will be marked by a lack of the bellowed 'this is a test' message, don't occur with the same soul crushing regularity and will probably be accompanied by an ominous cloud. Then the sky will turn the colour of blood, the dead will walk the Earth and the football team will actually win a game.
Duck and cover. Twice.
Salutations,
Lacy Jim.
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