Colder than a Witch's Brass Monkey

Last diary entry from Under Seamen Percival Canned-Peaches' expedition to the frozen waists:

It is bitterly cold outside and bitter inside. Last night the internet told me that the mercury stood at -16°C which is 3.2°F if your prefer your temperature scale calibrated relative to the sublimation point of a cow's rectum or whatever. This is cold enough to dramatically reduce the numbers of the elderly, homeless and naturists. Elderly homeless naturists are pretty much staring death in the face. And death isn't very pleased to see them I expect.

Certainly it is cold enough to freeze the pipes in the laundry room solid, which means I'll have to wear towels until I've hunted enough woodchucks and groundhogs to make a decent set of furs.

Cycling to work a few days ago made my ears so numb that I nearly went back to look for them. The next day I tried taking the bus, which was definitely warmer and the nice lady driving even said "good morning". However, this bourgeois comfort sickened me, so it's back to walking next week.

I hope we all payed attention to the birth of a new hero (and archenemy of birds) this week on the Hudson river. Described as an "unqualified hero" by someone who probably doesn't realise most people will think it's an insult, for some reason the pilot's risk management business seemed to come up a lot. I suspect it was the years of flight training that helped, but maybe his flipchart presentation skills really did come to the fore during the crisis.

Anyway, sometimes in between glaring at my work that doesn't and lamenting my lost youth, I browse the British Barechested Communists' website and it was there after watching a video of people worrying about their hand luggage while standing on the wings of the plane/boat that it struck me that there hadn't been any adverts. You see children, cowering there in your boxes, when viewing the BBC website from Freedom one often gets to experience demands that you buy a diamond ring for your love, because otherwise she won't love you. However it appears that someone has enough taste to prevent adverts from playing before certain news items. It simply wouldn't do to hear just how affordable Spanish lessons are before viewing the latest tragedy in the war between Houmous and Isriled in Plasticine. Thank God for common sense. God shave the Queen and all that.

Sesame Street was brought to you today by the word 'shitbiscuits' and the number' 1-800-seagulls'.